Neuer Gedankengang!

Days of "New Normals"

I mentioned "new normals" last time. My friend Jana and I went to a memorial service held at the hospice facility where David died. The lady who spoke to us talked about this being a time of learning "new normals." That will certainly be a process that will continue for the rest of my life, but I can see it happening now. I am deliberately observing it and looking for it.

This year I chose to stay home, to be in our home where we shared holidays and special events. There will be plenty of time for things that are totally new later; this time I'm savoring the memories of our times together, and even of holidays we weren't together - like when I was in Austria and he was in Illinois with my family. It is Christmas Eve - I am alone at the moment, but I won't be later. I will be sharing the time with people who have been part of our holiday events the last several years.

This morning I went to church, and every one was loving and thoughtful, giving me hugs and asking how I am doing. Brad and Jenni are coming for supper tonight - we will have Thai food - really! Out of a box, because I know nothing about Thai food, except that Brad and Jenni like it. We will open gifts - including the ones I got in the mail yesterday from Chris and Catherine. And I will go to church at 10:00 again.

Tomorrow I am going to church at 3:00 at Christ Episcopal in Little Rock. This will be the traditional liturgical service that I am used to going to on Christmas Eve, but I don't do well with driving at night, so this is better. And after church I will go to Chris and Jana Villemez's for dinner. I have to take it in small steps - check my email, read the paper, play some computer games - then a little more busy, cleaning up the kitchen and taking out the trash - then quieter again for a while.

I need to make plans for New Years - I will be doing my living history gig in the afternoon of New Years Eve, but I don't have plans for the evening or the next day. There is a finality about ending this year that I dread. I shared part of 2006 with David, and I will never be able to say that again. That will be hard, and I don't want to do it.

I have these wonderful square European down filled pillows - thank you, Carol! - and some mornings, I really get into punching them when I make my bed - it helps work out some of the heaviness that makes it hard to start another day - I think on New Years Day, I need to keep those pillows handy!

For now, for today, there is much to look forward to and much to be grateful for - and some new normals to savor - like looking over at my bulletin board at the picture of my lovely and very pregnant daughter-in-law, and knowing that next year I will get to buy presents for my grandbaby! For the rest of this day, maybe a nap, some reading, a little more straightening up - maybe run the vacuum - naah! Don't want to get too carried away!

posted by Shirley Schuette @ 1:13 PM