Days of "New Normals"
I mentioned "new normals" last time. My friend Jana and I went to a memorial service held at the hospice facility where David died. The lady who spoke to us talked about this being a time of learning "new normals." That will certainly be a process that will continue for the rest of my life, but I can see it happening now. I am deliberately observing it and looking for it.
This year I chose to stay home, to be in our home where we shared holidays and special events. There will be plenty of time for things that are totally new later; this time I'm savoring the memories of our times together, and even of holidays we weren't together - like when I was in Austria and he was in Illinois with my family. It is Christmas Eve - I am alone at the moment, but I won't be later. I will be sharing the time with people who have been part of our holiday events the last several years.
This morning I went to church, and every one was loving and thoughtful, giving me hugs and asking how I am doing. Brad and Jenni are coming for supper tonight - we will have Thai food - really! Out of a box, because I know nothing about Thai food, except that Brad and Jenni like it. We will open gifts - including the ones I got in the mail yesterday from Chris and Catherine. And I will go to church at 10:00 again.
Tomorrow I am going to church at 3:00 at Christ Episcopal in Little Rock. This will be the traditional liturgical service that I am used to going to on Christmas Eve, but I don't do well with driving at night, so this is better. And after church I will go to Chris and Jana Villemez's for dinner. I have to take it in small steps - check my email, read the paper, play some computer games - then a little more busy, cleaning up the kitchen and taking out the trash - then quieter again for a while.
I need to make plans for New Years - I will be doing my living history gig in the afternoon of New Years Eve, but I don't have plans for the evening or the next day. There is a finality about ending this year that I dread. I shared part of 2006 with David, and I will never be able to say that again. That will be hard, and I don't want to do it.
I have these wonderful square European down filled pillows - thank you, Carol! - and some mornings, I really get into punching them when I make my bed - it helps work out some of the heaviness that makes it hard to start another day - I think on New Years Day, I need to keep those pillows handy!
For now, for today, there is much to look forward to and much to be grateful for - and some new normals to savor - like looking over at my bulletin board at the picture of my lovely and very pregnant daughter-in-law, and knowing that next year I will get to buy presents for my grandbaby! For the rest of this day, maybe a nap, some reading, a little more straightening up - maybe run the vacuum - naah! Don't want to get too carried away!
Can you spell overcommitted?
This is my first time to post since the Google's purchase of Blogger has filtered down to the local level and changed the way I sign in. It took me several tries to get signed in, and now it's taking a while for the process of posting to work. There may be other reasons for all of this, but it still frustrates me - I have to turn away and do something else while it sorts itself out, and try again.
But that's not what I came in here to write about. I came to address the question posed in the title of this post - hopefully I have the correct number of m's and t's in that word. Spelling it isn't the question so much as just being aware of the possibility that I could easily find myself in the spot where that word describes my life.
I am settled into my part time job and like it a lot. I have two paying projects going, both of which are challenging, requiring lots of reading, lots of research, and at some point, lots of writing. One is consulting on the design and implementation of a small museum with a focus on immigration and settlement in Arkansas. The deadline on that is probably a year away - well, the final implementation of the museum is at least a year away; there are lots of deadlines between now and then.
The second paying project is writing a readers theatre script for a presentation about race relations in Arkansas, with a focus on the events at Central High in 1957, given that this coming year is the 50th anniversary. I had thought that the presentation would be in late August, but I found out the other day that it will probably be in late June! Good thing I had recently decided to begin my background reading!
So that's not bad, you say - busy, but not exactly overwhelming - well, the list continues. I have agreed to help prepare the history, written and exhibited, for the 125th anniversary of my church. I am on the Coleman Creek Greenway Committee at UALR, a group that is charged with coming up with a set of plans to develop a greenway park along the creek that runs the length of the campus. I am involved in the Alumni organization for the Donaghey Scholars and as such I am sitting on the Scholars Policy Council. And soon I'm going to begin volunteering a few hours a week at Our House, a homeless shelter in Little Rock.
I don't think I'm overcommitted yet, but I am close. I am probably at the point where I would need to have my head examined if I got involved in one more project!
Oh, yes, I got a free copy of book of German immigrant letters (what else!) because I agreed to write a review of it for the Journal of Southern Studies! I'm thrilled to have the book because it is edited by Walter Kamphoefner, who helped me a great deal in my thesis work and has encouraged me in my own plans to translate and publish a set of letters. The review is due at the end of February - given that time frame, I might have to fudge a bit and skim parts of the book instead of trying to read it all before I write the review!
And yet again, I have started doing a living history character at the Historic Arkansas Museum - her name is Louisa Becker, and she is one my German immigrants, a real person, a very brave lady who emigrated at the age of 69! My initial motivation in doing this is that I get paid for it! Yeah! But I am finding that it is fun, and it is good for me to be reminded of Louisa's courage.
Of course right now we're in the last couple of weeks before Christmas. My activities this year are different because I am alone - that is, I don't have David to share the holidays with. I am getting through it and learning "new normals," as someone described the process. Lots of people are helping me, and I'm grateful for that.
And being busy helps, being involved in lots of activities that challenge me and keep me out among people. While I remember those benefits, I will also be cautious about how much I take on, lest I reach that point of actually being over committed.
